Codependency in Relationship--The Fantasy We Should NOT Cling To

Codependent relationships are built on fantasy. We think if we try hard enough we might be able to get others to love us.

If you are codependent, or a love addict you may associate love with fairy tale type thinking. You may be in love with falling in love, or in love with the idea of love, or in love with your fantasy about love. Love is not pity, nor should it be seen as a fairy tale. Love is a serious issue, and when we are clouded about what love really is, we are not in control of what is happening inside of us when we are caught up in the illusion of what we think love might be. Love can be a codependent fantasy, which then will only keep the codependent more stuck in the dysfunctional relationship.

If you were an abused child, chances are you may have discovered that fantasizing helped take you away from your pain. The problem is this fantasy like thinking keeps us stuck as adults because there is NO RESCUE BOAT coming Dear Ones. The only way to heal our insecurities is to discover our personal power, that lies within. An additional issue is that we attract energetic beings that match our parent's vibrations. If we were ignored as children, we wind up feeling ignored in our relationships. When we do not have a template for what real love is, we can only attract the dysfunctional templates that are rolling around in our heads. If we associate fairytale love to our idea of love, then we will not be able to see the dysfunction we are in clearly.

Because we were so lonely, due to psychological invisibility, to escape the pain of feeling unloved, unworthy and abandoned, we would fantasize about being rescued by someone who could 'see us-feel us-hear and see us'.

The ability to escape our painful realities helped float us away. By disassociating with what was happening in the moments at home, we found ways to alleviate much of our anxieties. Unfortunately, however, many of still believe this fantasy and set ourselves up for failure in relationships, because we still have this need to be seen so deeply by another.

The opportunity to be seen by mother and father the way we needed to be seen in order to mature in healthy emotional ways as children have come and gone.

Today it is NOW up to us to 'see us--to validate us--and for us to nurture our own souls'-the way mother/father should have.

When we learn to trust our own worth, then we see others in more realistic ways and we stop handing our power over to others on the outside. It is then that we learn to own our personal power and we begin loving our own divine self. Life truly begins to morph when we own the idea that there was nothing wrong with us, except the dysfunctional programs mom and dad impressed into our impressionable brains when we were small.

Children of narcissistic parents, who are now suffering from codependency symptoms, may be struggling to learn how to love themselves after narcissistic abuse. Narcissists tend to attract people pleasers, or codependent personalities. Because codependents are eager to please, because they seek outside validation, they are easy targets for narcissistic lovers, and friends.

It is not easy to learn how to love yourself after narcissistic abuse, but with the right codependency recovery tools, it is possible. It is even possible to find love after codependency.

Lisa A. Romano is a Certified Life Coach and bestselling author who specializes in codependency, narcissistic abuse, the law of attraction, and mind shift training.

Her books are;
The Road Back To Me
My Road Beyond The Codependent Divorce
Codependent Now What? It's Not You-It's Your Programming
Loving the Self Affirmations 1 & 2
Quantum Tools To Help You Heal Your Life Now

To learn more about Lisa A. Romano please visit https://www.lisaaromano.com

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Codependency in Relationship--The Fantasy We Should NOT Cling To
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